Playing for Keeps

i'm an idiot. i can't lose him. i can't live without him.


you can't live without your heart.

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 10:49 PM 0 comments

Why are we never just content? Why can't we just be happy with what we've got? Always working, wishing, hoping, dreaming for more. I got home a week ago and I already want out. I want to skip the next three years and just get on with my life. I like college, but I want something more and it's killing me just as bad as it's killing him. Three more years.

I want to hang out with my boyfriend and our friends. We don't have 'our' friends, we have my friends and we have his friends. Nobody is mutual between us, except for maybe his parents. I want that but I'll never have that. At least not for a long time and by then we'll have to be responsible. We'll be 'grown-ups' in the real world with real issues and real work and real problems and real bills and real jobs. So for now we have the phone. At least we have that..

I want consistency. Nothing is forever, and this moving around is driving me crazy. Friends will never be the same, we're old and we have lives to get on with.

My birthday is coming up and all I want is everyone I love in one place. That's all I want; to be really really happy for a few hours. Happy enough to believe that I've never been that happy.

It's not that I'm not happy, but this distance is killing me.

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 6:11 PM 0 comments

Edit:

The friends comment was about friends here. I love my friends at home and can't wait to see them. And I know that even though we don't talk much, it's all good when we get back in the hood.

(Thanks for the reminder Lar)

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 2:18 PM 1 comments

This place is OUT OF CONTROL.

I cannot wait to go home, this year has been incredibly hectic. Good, but hectic. Classes are shitting on me. Mother nature is shitting on me. Rowing is shitting on me and will give me a heart attack from the stress. Will I quit? Probably not. I've never quit anything in my life. I don't think. Oh, I quit violin, but I had to. Ok so I didn't HAVE to, but that got boring.

So I lied, even though rowing is stressing me out, I kinda like it. A Novice Freshman MAYBE coxing the 1st Varsity boat? Besides making the varsity coxswains hate me, it's pretty sweet....and exciting to know that I've got a spot next year, and every year after that if I decide to keep up with it. It proves that even though some girl on my team will write all over the internet about how she doesn't see why I'm in the A Novice boat, there's at least a reason why I'm there. I don't think I've ever been really good at something. But it's badass to work your ass off since August and beat out girl that have been doing this for multiple years. And I'm just as happy to cox the Novice A. Those be mah gurls I've been with since Day 1. Either way, I win, and it's the shit.

JOSH COMES ON FRIDAY. That's like, 4 days. ECSTATIC. It's been too long. AHAHAJHLFAKHSDFKJAHDLKFSJAKDF;A

Classes are stupid. Why must we attend college? Propoganda. Everything is hype and propoganda. But we're all a slave to it, and I'm pulling for a perfect Freshman year.

Everything's great when you work for want you want. It's more awesome when everything's working out.

Notice how there's no mentioning of friends. Well, guess you can't win 'em all. I have friends. Maybe a few are real, true friends, but I'm too busy to even make the distinction.

It's a sad, sad, busy life I lead. 3.5 weeks til Ktown/Zach's wedding/working once again. 1.5 months til Hawaii and my life is sane again.

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 10:25 PM 1 comments

I miss Josh and I wanna cuddle waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 8:35 PM 0 comments

Patience is a virtue to everyone but the patient one.

I'm flying home next weekend. Thannnnnnnnnnnnk God.

Anna and Alli are coming the weekend after that.

Then every weekend is owned by rowing.

Sleeping ever? Nope.

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 8:24 PM 2 comments

Why is it that every paper I turn in for English ends up being about love?

He just made everything 100% better.

posted by Playing For Keeps @ 2:14 PM 0 comments